nate mcguire

There are a few things in life that you experience and you think to yourself. That place is the fucking TRUTH.  Things like Juan in a Million’s Don Juan in Austin, your first Shiner, and now, Kuby’s sausage.

I know I’ve done a review of this place before, but we’ve had some new experiences with their fine establishment since then and I’m planning on going today; it has become a staple in our new Dallas life. We eat there typically once a week, less lately, because we have about 80 million sausages that Kuby’s processed for us when the roommate got his first deer. They process your game for you for pretty standard prices, but their recipes are the ultimate in deliciousness. So not only can you enjoy some latkes, sauerkraut, red cabbage, delicious sausages, and probably some pretty bad ass rubens and other sandwiches (haven’t been able to try them, the sausage is too good); you can get your game processed there, buy your meat and cheese there, and even buy some crazy candy, like “fizzing soda pop gummies”.

If you didn’t read the last review I did of this place, here is the lowdown on this sweet establishment:

• Officially Kuby’s Smokehouse, but really a sick meat factory/sausage house. When you go, order the sausage plate. 3 if you’re a MAN
• They have latkes, and if you don’t know what they are…its like a ball of potato-y heaven mixed with some other stuff and fried kind-of like a hashbrown patty…except not, and way better. They’re not on the menu, so just say you want “potato pancakes with apple sauce” instead of the german potato salad.  You can pay me back for this tidbit next time you see me.
• They also have a full deli, you can buy all different types of meat, all their sausages, etc.  We even got some lamb burger patties one time. Fan-fucking-tastic.
• This shit is cheap. Like your stomach could be exploding for less than 8 bucks.  I don’t recommend it, but it’s possible.  You should probably stick in the under $6 range because that will get you hella full too.
• Oh. They have liters of beer.

See you there.

What do you make with a shit-ton of deer sausage in the freezer?  Jambalaya of COURSE!

So roommate and I set off on an adventure to create deer sausage jambalaya yesterday, and it was a complete and utter success. We got the basic recipe from teh interwebs, but mostly it was just some solid ass guessing on our part.  I will share the recipe from my head as well as some sweet pics (coming later tonight). I’m forewarning you that this recipe is based on the sizes of things, because, well I’m a soul cooker and don’t need no measurements!

Ingredients:

3 Deer Sausages (these are big, I’d use 4-5 of the regular kind)
2-3 Chicken Breasts
approx. 3/4 lb of bacon
4 cups of rice
64 oz (2 boxes) of chicken broth
1 small white onion
1 green bell pepper
4-6 cloves of garlic (depending on size/preference)
approx 2 spoonfuls of Tony C’s
1 spoonful of crushed red pepper
a few good shakes of: onion powder, garlic powder, cayenne pepper

Directions:
1. Cook bacon in the pot you’re making the jambalaya in. You can cut it up now or break it up after it’s cooked, whatever is easier for you. Drain out some (not all) of the bacon fat if you think there is too much. The stove will be on high heat until I say otherwise. Use your judgment if shit starts exploding.
2. Cut up sausage into small pieces, we did half circles. Place in pan and brown.
3. Cut up chicken into small pieces, add to sausage and brown. Add crushed up bacon back in, along with the garlic.
4. Put chopped veggies in and let soften/brown with the meat.
5. Put Tony C’s, other spices in, mix around.
6. Eat some of the chicken/sausage/bacon mixture before proceeding. This shit is gonna be GOOOOOD.
7. Put rice and chicken broth in. You could probably put a beer in or some other type of liquid if you were feeling adventurous, but this is not cajun-kosher if you know what I mean.
8. Reduce heat once a boil is established. Let simmer for 25-30 minutes and check if the rice is still crunchy. Ours was done pretty fast but I’ve seen recipes call for 45 minutes of simmer, etc.
9. Drink beer. Gorge yourself.

This would be what you call “brown jambalaya” and there are recipes out there for red jambalaya which would be pretty much the same except with tomatoes/some kind of rotel stuff. If there are any real cajuns reading this out there, you will notice the lack of celery and other peppers, etc. This is because my roommate thinks vegetables are out to get him and will not eat them, I’m just glad the lack thereof didn’t ruin my dinner. I had to sneak onions and the green pepper into the pot.  If/when we run out of this and want to make some more, I’m going to get the little baby shrimp or crawfish depending on the season and throw them in right at the end so they cook through.  Fan-fucking-tastic.

Update: Here are those pics I promised you.

So what you’re looking at here is something that we in Texas, at least to my knowledge, do.not.have.  I wish we had stuff like this, but I’m pretty sure it would be illegal here or something. Stupid rednecks.

Its called the Money Maker - and it’s sold in convenience stores around the bay area of California.  What you say? Liquor in a gas station? “That shit be wack, yo”.  Yeah, pretty much everywhere but the south you can buy the good stuff at a gas station and get yo’ drank on.

I stumbled upon this fantastic holy creation on this crazy dj/rapper guy’s blog: Grocery Eats. If nothing else just go read a couple of their posts, that shit is hilarious. This little mini mixer set of drinks is like a happy meal for adults - except without the gay plastic toys that you get tired of in 5 minutes.

They have a bunch of different “flavors”, the one posted here is The Money Maker and it’s definitely going to fuck you up. The ingredients are:

1 Green Apple Smirnoff Ice
2 Smirnoff Apple Twists
1 Bicardi Big Apple
1 Tanguaray

So I’m going to have to make one of these on my own this weekend, or one of their other flavors since I don’t like drinking jolly ranchers, like Cutty bang or Killahoe.  Good names, right?

Other stuff going on:  Texas is in the Fiesta Bowl, playing Ohio State. Whoopdi Do.

We’re going to probably bail out the automakers, which is a stupid idea. Umm and other news, I’m not really sure what is going on in the world because I’m stuck in a conference room all day…but I figured I would try and post so I didn’t leave you 3 days in a row without some information from my sick knowledge center I like to call my brain.

Yeah, I know, you all know what a turducken is by now.  But with Thanksgiving rapidly approaching, I had to say something about this only-in-America creation.  1/2 man, 1/2 bear, 1/2 pig, manbearpig…I mean… turducken is something only our gluttony filled minds could create.

I’ve decided that this is probably the most beautiful culinary creation and probably tastes a little bit like this.  For the uniformed among us, a Turducken is a dish consisting of a partially deboned turkey stuffed with a deboned duck, which is then stuffed with a small deboned chicken. The hole in the chicken and the rest of the gaps are filled with other random crap, like breadcrumbs.

The one downfall of the turducken is that it is only suitable for “braising, roasting, grilling, or barbecuing” and can’t be fried (which is the best way to cook turkey) since the body cavity must be hollow to cook evenly.

Now doesn’t this look delicious?

I’ve been craving some Mediterranean/Middle Eastern food lately, so I thought I would share one of my favorite (and most simple) recipes, Labaneh/Labneh (Leb-NEE).  Labaneh is the middle eastern version of strained yogurt, similar to Greek Yogurt. It is typically made from full fat yogurt that has been strained, usually overnight or longer.  It is usually eaten on a pita with olive oil, and a middle eastern spice called za’atar which is basically oregano and a bunch of random other spices.

So make sure you follow along closely. This is real difficult.

Ingredients:
1 tub of full fat yogurt
1 tablespoon of salt(if desired)
a coffee filter or a cheesecloth
a mesh strainer, sieve or colander
a large bowl

1. Add salt (not much) to yogurt if desired
2. Pour yogurt into cheese cloth (apparently you can use a coffee filter and place in strainer, I haven’t). Place on bowl.
3. Let sit in fridge for 12- 24 hours. After 12 hours it acquires a thick consistency . If you want it thicker, leave to drain for another 12 hours.
4. Drain liquid.

You’re done. Good Job.

The best way to eat this, in my opinion, is to put some olive oil on it and then dip a piece of pita bread in it. Try it out. Delicious. You can also use it like a tart cream cheese.

With Halloween around the corner (tomorrow knuckleheads), a fall themed post seemed appropriate. Halloween after halloween, fall after fall there is a consistent problem with the beginning to the holiday season: Candy-Corn. Probably the most disgusting candy ever created, candy corn remains, steadfast in fall culture.

If you drank a bottle of corn syrup and ate a candle, threw it up, and ate it again, that’s what candy corn would taste like. Fall doesn’t want to taste like that.

Fall wants to taste like pumpkin pie, turkey, and sure, any other acceptable candy on Halloween. Candy corn = not an acceptable candy. Candy corn = disgusting.

Its not about the colors; I like yellow and orange. Heck, the longhorns are the perfect fall color. Orange is not ugly. Candy corn has the colors of mustard (favorite sandwich spread), cheddar (best cheese), and fall—its not candy corn’s fault it was made this way. No matter what, candy corn is still ass flavored, and I do. not. want.

I don’t hate fall. But I do hate candy corn. Please do us all a favor and don’t ruin childrens’ Halloweens by giving it out to them.

From a little site i like to call perfect, 1000 awesome things brings us #949, Ordering off the menu at fast food restaurants. I know I’m a big proponent of eating at places that actually have some sort of nutritional value, but hey, we aren’t all perfect, and fast food has its place also. Which is in my belly when I’m in a rush.  1000 Awesome Things has a pretty interesting list of things you can order off the menu at fast food restaurants, some of them a little gross sounding. Get after it.

“Ever had a neopolitan milkshake from McDonald’s?

One where they layer the chocolate, strawberry, and vanilla flavors in the same cup, creating a thick, icy, slow-moving light-brown-swirls-with-pink-flecks taste sensation? Yeah, my friend Chad was a regular customer of those. Of course, when he was working at McDonald’s he got sick of the regular menu pretty quickly and started tinkering in the back like a mad scientist with his coworkers, developing exotic, unstable, and unpredictable meal creations with the ingredients on hand. Yes, there were failed attempts, like the Chicken McNugget Flurry, but sometimes they struck gold and created a new off-the-menu line extension. I guess this is fairly common, because there are reports of online McDonald’s employee communities, where insider recipes such as the McBrushetta and McPancakeBatterFunnelCakes are shared.”

Continue Reading…

Today I bring you the weekend preview, happy friday, bitches!  Everything you can, should, and want to be doing this weekend.

Food:

I’m going classy and obvious on you this week, seeing as its your first time. Abacus, a Dallas expensive-knock-your-date’s-socks-off restaurant, this place is all you’ll ever need if you have money to blow. Go try it out, because I’m sure as hell not going to. That’s because its super expensive, but impressive none the less.  Make reservations ahead, because apparently its always busy.  “Deliciously eclectic 5-star cuisine, served in a trendy, relaxed setting”

Entertainment:

Hello heaven.  Ladies and Gentlemen, I bring you one of the greatest inventions since DVR and bittorrent. TOP GOLF!  This place is pretty much the most fun you can have with a golf club if you’re not Tiger Woods. It involves a sport (one of the few that I like even though I suck at it), drinking (think pitchers), and competition. You aim, if you can, at big targets from a two level driving range. Its really a lot more fun than I am able to describe, so you pretty much have to visit their website, or just freakin’ go play.

Sports:

Obviously, the Horns are going to dominate again on Saturday, when we play UTEP.  For some reason the game is at 9:15pm central, which is odd, but whatever. You still have to watch. Outside of that, if you’re in a fantasy league you’d better be on your shit because NFL starts for real this weekend. None of that Thursday night teaser stuff.

TV:

You’re joking right? The only TV that is worth watching is Sunday night, and that’s Entourage on HBO and Mad Men on AMC. Freakin’ go outside or something.

A little treat, from me to you.

So I wasn’t planning on posting again today, but I was reading one of my favorite foodie sites, Serious Eats, and I came across this tidbit of knowledge that had to be shared with you lowlifes. This is by far the most comprehensive guide to sandwiches in the US, with a mostly Eastern bias. That’s probably because they invented most of the good stuff and the south was left creating things like this. I guess I’m a little nerdy in the fact that I appreciate knowing the difference between heroes, grinders, subs, cubans, and the like.  Sandwiches in general are some of my favorite things, and variety is the spice of life. Read on.

“Hoagies, heroes, subs, wedges, po’boys, grinders, and the list goes on. No matter what you call your hometown hero, we’re here to talk about America’s best hot and cold versions—for now, we’ll define it as a sandwich on a long individual bread or baguette. Whether the name refers to the people who eat them (Cubans, Italians) or the shape (submarine, torpedo, zeppelin), the long list of monikers should at the very least give you a hint of the importance and history of this most beloved and humble sandwich.” [SeriousEats.com]

Continue Reading…

With the long weekend and all, I haven’t had a chance to go eat anywhere new and review it for you guys.  Luckily for you, I’ve got something up my sleeve. This article is from Men’s Health and involves you actually cooking something.  Don’t be shocked, this is a food and entertainment site, and at some point you may have to cook. With that in mind, it isn’t that difficult and it’s a great concept.  Shop once, eat for a week. This isn’t just lunch, but your whole week. You shop and buy like 16 things for under 50 bucks and have meals that are actually really good and easy to make.

This is something that really applies to guys in college, single guys, or whoever eats alone most of the time. It combines smart shopping with healthy food, and the stuff actually tastes good.  I’ve done this quite a few times and some of the recipes on here are things that have become some of my favorite recipes.  I always make some modifications to them, or skip a meal here and there to mix it up, but if you actually try this the first time, I would do it all the way through because sometimes you end up thinking you don’t need something and then you get to friday and say. “fuck“.

Enjoy.

“You might not use the terms “pizza box” and “serving dish” interchangeably, but if you’re like most guys, you probably could. That’s because 64 percent of men spend little or no time on meal planning. Their excuse? Time and money constraints. Unfortunately — and perhaps not coincidentally — that number parallels the 64 percent who are overweight. It’s no wonder: The inexpensive, time-saving foods that guys choose most often are also the ones that are the highest in sugar, fat, and calories, according to a recent study from the University of Washington.

Thankfully, we have a culinary solution that’ll perfectly fit your budget, schedule, and diet. The plan: Set aside 20 minutes on Sunday to fulfill our 16-item shopping list, then forget about your wallet — and collection of takeout menus — for the rest of the workweek. By following our 5-day meal plan, you’ll have the precise number of ingredients to create 10 fast, flavorful meals, all of which are designed to help you build muscle and melt fat while saving you money. (The average price of 10 meals eaten out: $85; the total price of our meals: $47.96.) Each night, you’ll simply prepare a quick and easy dinner, and then creatively use the leftovers to assemble the next day’s lunch. Call it the mixologist’s guide to eating. The best part? While the other guys are stuck on hold in drive-thrus, you’ll be rolling through the express line with your next 10 meals in tow.” [Men's Health]

Meals and Recipes

Grocery List [PDF Warning]